pamperedpuppy // luxury lifestyles for dogs

Bark for your Right to Party

Let's Have a Dog Party! by Ingrid E. Newkirk
Buy now from Amazon

Ingrid E. Newkirk knows that your dog is a party animal. And not that she thinks you're a pooper; but she's written a rollickingly entertaining book to help you get your dog's fête started. Indeed, Let's Have a Dog Party! gives you all kinds of pointers; pun intended. How can you not lick your chops and drool over a book with a chapter titled Planning the Canine Party Menu? The book has its deep moments; the Foreword by Pamela Anderson, for instance, is definitely not for boobs. Yet I guarantee that the volume's lighthearted sections will make you wag your tail with a happy rhythm. Ms. Newkirk, for example, is against sending out dog party invitations bearing images of hydrants. "To me, that's like putting a picture of your toilet on an invitation," she writes.

Towards the end of Dog Party, the author invites readers to let her know about their dogs' parties. "I'm already getting lots of feedback," she states, "including photos of dogs with their cakes and party favors. You can tell that the dogs are very proud!"

Chapter 2 discusses the choice between a Plain and Simple or a Fancy Pants Party. Us fancy pants types already know that we want nothing less than the fanciest imaginable pants party for our dogs. In fact, we wouldn't complain if that party were a fancy pantalon on the Champs Elysées. Nonetheless, I asked Ms. Newkirk to tell me about one of her fantasies involving a most outré, luxe, over-the-top canine fest for humans and their discerning chiens. "I might rent a private island for dogs to explore. Alternately, I'd like to take them to a spectacularly-appointed beachfront home, or a posh beach resort where they could dig tunnels to go meet dingoes in Australia, fruitlessly chase sea gulls, swim, fetch, run for miles, lounge under coconut trees, and bark their hearts out at the pounding surf." For that beach affair, Ms. Newkirk proposes a menu including baked yams, steamed carrots and fresh-out-of-the-oven porridge biscuits.

I, meanwhile, am wink wink winking at you over Let's Have a Dog Party's list of some Words Dogs Love to Hear. "Lovey dovey, good, good puppy," "Who's so good? Who's such a silly puppy?" and "We love you. We love you. Yes we do!" If you're reading this, darling, chances are you know a thing or two about sweet talking dogs that way. I asked whether Ms. Newkirk would approve of saying "Je t'aime" to an English-speaking dog. She affirmed that for all dogs, (not only poodles), Français is as soothing as classical music. Besides recommending that you say "Je t'adore" to your doggy, she also notes that dogs frequently will enjoy a tonal language like Vietnamese. "So brush up! Dogs' horizons, like ours, should be broadened at every opportunity." Brush up; get it?

Let's Have a Dog Party! includes a whole teeming litter of dog party ideas, yet Ms. Newkirk did not hesitate to share additional K-9 party themes with me. Seems she'd love to get dressed up for a doggy Halloween party. "Finger foods in the shape of real fingers," she remarks, when asked for a suggestion for a pawsible treat for an October 31 bow-wow bash. "You can make the nails out of peanut butter, and warts out of sweet potato. But do not use grapes for anything for dogs, ever," she cautions, "as they're deleterious to a canine's kidneys. For a dog Halloween party, you can also use a sandpit or garden corner for 'Grave Digging' contests with fabulous prizes. Children can be invited to dig, too. Bones, bones, bones of all kinds, presented in cardboard coffins. A howling contest would surely be in order. And for the invitations, a Hound of the Baskervilles theme."

What videos and TV shows might Ms. Newkirk recommend to keep the four-leggers entertained? "Many dogs go for cat and dog videos. Birdsong interests them. Then, anything with sirens, such as police chase scenes, is great. Wolves on the Wildlife Channel could make a big hit at a dog party, too." Can you blame me for thinking that The Postman Always Rings Twice would be apropos? How does Ms. Newkirk know that dogs actually have fun at dog parties? She says: "Dogs get excited by gatherings, by cooking, treats and games. It's all in the tails. Watch those tails!" For Ms. Newkirk, every dog party is another chance to show dogs you love them. She regrets that she hasn't been to a greyhound rescue reunion, where the lévriers saved from their human-inflicted racing horror are all out in the field, running around out of sheer joie de vivre instead of doggedly and madly around a track for money.

Let's Have a Dog Party! is dedicated to a canine, Sir. According to Ms. Newkirk, Sir lived chained up like a bicycle for most of his life, left alone, exposed to the elements, with nary a kind word. One day, she found him shivering out in the 8-degrees Celsius cold, so tangled up that he was unable to seek shelter. Sir's human tormentor was charged with cruelty, and Sir was extricated from his clutches.

It being no secret that Ingrid Newkirk is a hero to all animals and animal lovers, I asked her what she considers some of the worst abuses presently committed against dogs. "Dog fur getting snuck into glove linings," she says, "and dog fur collar trim deliberately misnamed as faux or other fur at the country of origin. The dog fighting epidemic is atrocious, too." As for what we can do to help doggies, she says "Avoid all fur, and report any suspicious activity involving dogs." On the domestic front, Ms. Newkirk recommends you use a harness on your dogs instead of "dragging them around by their necks" with a leash and collar. She reminds you to pay attention when you're out walking and/or stopping to talk outside, so that your pooch doesn't get yanked about, or have to step lively to avoid tripping.

Stars besides Ingrid Newkirk and Pamela Anderson helped whip up the delightful confection that is this book. Alicia Silverstone contributed a recipe for a steamy, creamy artichoke dip. William Shatner, who once played in a TV adaptation of The Hound of the Baskervilles, is represented by his layered dip Mexicana de frijoles. In the Introduction, Bill Maher writes that "This book will help you embark on a joyful twelve-step-like program to make your dog happy." Embark. The guy's a real wag.

Ingrid Newkirk's sense of fun radiates pleasantly from every page of this book. It's a party in itself, if you want to know my final judgment of the volume. If you didn't previously know that the acronym for the Animal Rights Foundation of Florida is ARFF, you will after reading Let's Have a Dog Party!. From this book you can learn that William Wordsworth tested out lines of poetry on his dog. If the pooch yelped, the trash got taken out of the manuscript. You could, bien entendu, throw a cocktail party for intellectual dogs. Lord Byron's Inscription on the Monument of a Newfoundland Dog might as well have been conceived for such a social event.

Yet among the theme parties described in the book are Howl-a-thons, boat parties, doggie luaus, Mexican fiestas for perros and Oktoberfests for Hunde. Ms. Newkirk's hints and tips on making your dog party the bark of the town are, in truth, most helpful towards setting up a successful and classy bash. With this terrific book as your guide to throwing a whale of a dog party, it won't even matter that The Beastie Boys never sang You've Got to Bark for Your Right to Party.